Stories and narratives have been very powerful in the process of evolution of mankind. Historically people have learned vicariously through narratives and chronicles. In some culture, there were people that were known as the wandering minstrels. They would go from place to place and narrate poetry, plays, imaginary tales or recount events that happened in different places. There were valuable lessons in these tales that people could adapt.
Stories are the stuff that cinemas, theatre and novels are made up off. I those form stories provide an aid to imagination and at times an escape from reality. Autobiographies are personal stories narrated to give people a perspective on a life lived in its ultimate challenge.
Most little kids are told or read stories, fables, fairy tales or mythological tales. Children implicitly learn a lot of social norms and behaviours from these. Parents also recount their lives and struggles and their parenting incidents to their kids. Couples share life histories and families share experiences. They are all handed down generation to generation in the form of stories. These provide a platform to express joy, anger, hopes, pain and unhappiness, satisfactions and dissatisfactions. Formal organizations share these stories in the form of scripts and written rules and regulations or as company orientations.
Most societies traditional had or still have an organized platform where people met up at the end of the day. This could be a pub, the town square, a coffee shop, a place of worship etc. People got together exchanged pleasantries, talked about their day and maybe also got a lot of unsolicited advice. But most of all everybody had a place where they were certain they would be heard.
Often when I met clients for psychotherapy…be they adults, children or senior citizens…the consistent impression I get is that most want to be listened to. They need time to talk to share and to connect. Very often the simple act of hearing them out without interruption and judgment becomes a powerful tool in therapy.
No matter how stories are shared or in what form they are vital to awareness, understanding and growth. I reckon that the more we listen to people and their unique stories the more we understand and the more we accept. This leads to an augmentation in our emotional and mental process which in turn can lead to more positive and functional behaviours such as patience and tolerance of diversity.
So what are we waiting for? Grab a cup of tea or coffee and tell your story…happy saying and happy listening.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
This is me: thoughts on self acceptance
Since the idea of the blog centers around the self, I thought that the first thing that I would really want to talk about is acceptance. Acceptance in some ways indicates an agreement. It is some sort of a tacit understanding and acknowledgement of the way facts are.
The dictionary meaning of acceptance is a general agreement that something is satisfactory or right, or that someone should be included in a group or the act of agreeing to an offer, plan or invitation or accepting a difficult or unpleasant situation. If we look at all these definitions of acceptance we can very easily apply them to self acceptance and that is what I want to talk about today.
But before I jump the gun and talk about self acceptance, I would like to ask whether you accept yourself? Did you just smirk? Did I just hear you say "Of course? What a silly thing to ask!" Well let me tell you that it's really not as straight forward. We are very quick in our acceptance of events, situations and people but we are a tad uncomfortable about our acceptance with our own selves. When I talk of self acceptance I am talking of looking at ourselves as a different entity and accepting all that we see there…the good, the bad and the ugly. It’s an agreement with ourselves to value, validate, acknowledge and support who we are at this very moment, even those parts of us that we’d like to eventually change. (And yes there will be a few parts that you would want to change). This is important...even those parts we'd eventually like to change. And that folks is the most difficult part…to acknowledge the bad and the ugly parts and saying that’s me too. But in the meanwhile, you can be okay with those parts of yourself you want to change some day.
How do we go about this process of self acceptance? First and foremost it requires a large amount of honesty and self awareness. It entails a stripping of the personas that we have knowingly and unknowingly donned over the years of growing up. Once we have had a good hard look within, we come closer to the act of accepting all that is pleasant and unpleasant. After this we make a general agreement that all that is within should be included in our concept of the self. This is when we can tell ourselves to start the process of change bit by bit, one step at a time when we are ready. Often most of us lose our way here. We either refuse to change or want to change everything right away and want that change to be effective starting now. That I feel is a little unreasonable. After all it took us a good number of years to accumulate all that baggage and to expect that we get rid of it all in one go is a tall order! Though the process seems tedious and totally superfluous, it really is well worth the effort. Trust me I have done that! It took me a while to get there and through the process but it was worth it and it changed my life for the better. You will see that with true self acceptance, you are able to steer your development and growth the way you want to, feel more in control of your life and shape it on your terms and you are able to have more fulfilling relationships.
I will end with one of Albert Einstein’s quotes: "Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them".
The dictionary meaning of acceptance is a general agreement that something is satisfactory or right, or that someone should be included in a group or the act of agreeing to an offer, plan or invitation or accepting a difficult or unpleasant situation. If we look at all these definitions of acceptance we can very easily apply them to self acceptance and that is what I want to talk about today.
But before I jump the gun and talk about self acceptance, I would like to ask whether you accept yourself? Did you just smirk? Did I just hear you say "Of course? What a silly thing to ask!" Well let me tell you that it's really not as straight forward. We are very quick in our acceptance of events, situations and people but we are a tad uncomfortable about our acceptance with our own selves. When I talk of self acceptance I am talking of looking at ourselves as a different entity and accepting all that we see there…the good, the bad and the ugly. It’s an agreement with ourselves to value, validate, acknowledge and support who we are at this very moment, even those parts of us that we’d like to eventually change. (And yes there will be a few parts that you would want to change). This is important...even those parts we'd eventually like to change. And that folks is the most difficult part…to acknowledge the bad and the ugly parts and saying that’s me too. But in the meanwhile, you can be okay with those parts of yourself you want to change some day.
How do we go about this process of self acceptance? First and foremost it requires a large amount of honesty and self awareness. It entails a stripping of the personas that we have knowingly and unknowingly donned over the years of growing up. Once we have had a good hard look within, we come closer to the act of accepting all that is pleasant and unpleasant. After this we make a general agreement that all that is within should be included in our concept of the self. This is when we can tell ourselves to start the process of change bit by bit, one step at a time when we are ready. Often most of us lose our way here. We either refuse to change or want to change everything right away and want that change to be effective starting now. That I feel is a little unreasonable. After all it took us a good number of years to accumulate all that baggage and to expect that we get rid of it all in one go is a tall order! Though the process seems tedious and totally superfluous, it really is well worth the effort. Trust me I have done that! It took me a while to get there and through the process but it was worth it and it changed my life for the better. You will see that with true self acceptance, you are able to steer your development and growth the way you want to, feel more in control of your life and shape it on your terms and you are able to have more fulfilling relationships.
I will end with one of Albert Einstein’s quotes: "Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them".
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